When someone breaks up with you and they say "We'll still be friends", they're lying.

(with the exception of you Boy!)

Sometimes this friendship is brilliant. We laugh and reminisce and we forget all that troubles us. We go back such a long way that time has entangled us inextricably and made us so that we are practically kin. But sometimes it seems as though this is the one most exhausting and emotional thing I have to contend with in life and it wears at me. I know that you would be there for me in an instant - crashing through time and geography to be by my side but I also know just how much you rely on me, looking to me for reassurance and acceptance and unconditional support. With utmost trust. But this secret of yours that you charged me with is a double-edged sword, and while you move on with your life and forget a little bit of the secret every day, it just weighs heavier on my heart as time ticks slowly on. And you continue to take from me while you shower your accolades on less loyal ‘friends’. And one day you this simple secret that is never to be spoken of in front of you will be the undoing of this friendship.

PPQ’s Angel So, what did you get up to this weekend then PPQ? You’re looking a…errrm…knackered.

PPQ Knackered? That’s polite isn’t it? I look haggard and munted. And that’s because I spent the last two days hungover.

PPQ’s Angel Oh yeah? Two days. Hungover? That sounds a bit naughty. Tell me more.

PPQ Well, on Friday I went out for drinks with my workmates. Then I joined Bonobo and Red for more drinks back in the village. And…errrrm…(looking a little sheepish)…okay so on Saturday I…um…

PPQ’s Angel Mmm hmmm...You….?

PPQ I went to a blog meet.

PPQ’s Angel You did whaaat?



Okay okay I admit it. Yes it’s true. I did. I went to a blogmeet. And I know that once upon a time I promised I would never go to one of these mass blogmeets. And I know that I banged on about shattering my anonymity and that my dear Ma would shudder at the thought of me meeting a bunch of strangers (even if they were offering me booze). But hell, it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind right? And besides, I met my dear buddy via the medium of blog, and then met a whole host of other lovelies including my squeeze in the same way, so I thought that maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible.

And terrible it wasn’t.

It was a warm, sunny day and it was just lovely meeting the friendliest bunch of strangers. Daunting as it was being faced with a throng of fellow bloggers, the fears soon subsided with a little dutch courage and I spoke to people that I have been genuinely intrigued and interested by for as long as I’ve been blogging.

And I must admit that although Bonobo and I very nearly walked straight past the pub and went home due to sheer nerves, although there were jelly legs and butterflies in tummies despite the fear factor...I’m so glad we did it.

Guess it’s time to update my blogroll so I can keep up with all you lot eh?

I won’t bang on about the utter crapness of customer service in this country because having spent the last six years working in marketing for various retailers, I could bang on about it for days. So let’s suffice it to say that there’s not a lot right with it.

But today, the sun was shining and my tummy was rumbling as I made my way to Café Tosca to grab a sandwich. And even though there was a monster of a queue, I left there with a big grin on my face. Not because the staff in there have mock Italian cockney accents. Not even because my favourite guy looks a teeny bit like Bill Murray.

No, it was because he made my sandwich with a big old smile, chattering away, and you know what? He seemed like he actually enjoys his job.

“There you go Darling. Have a nice day.” He beamed as he handed me my juicy sandwich. I beamed back thanking him tons, and damn near skipped back to work.

It’s the little things that make all the difference.

There are some people who manage to make the most of every minute of their day, who at night, as they peel back their duvet and climb into their welcoming den of slumber, feel the satisfaction of another day well spent.

I am not one of those people.

Nope, no sir, no way not me. I am of the much more irritating, piteous set who stumble into bed late at night after a day at work (and let’s face it not much else) mourning the loss of another day with nothing to show for it.

I have always been envious of that admirable set of time users, the ones who mean it when they say carpe diem, the ones who squeeze every last drop out of each minute.

And I saw one of them this morning on the bus. An unique specimen.

As I made my way up the stairs to the top deck of the bus, hoping with all my might that my usual seat was free, I noticed her with her raven black hair scarpered into the highest, bounciest pony tale. She was by no means beautiful, but you did stop and stare because she was different set against a sea of sleepy commuters, all snoozing or listening to their ipods or reading

Within a couple of minutes of me sitting down and making myself comfortable (someone else got to my seat first – grrr), she was scrabbling about in her modestly sized handbag. She fished out a small Tupperware box and opened it to reveal piping hot porridge with sultanas. She yummed it up in no time at all. Then she scrabbled around some more in her bag and whipped out a thermos of milky coffee. She supped her coffee and looked pensively out of the window. That finished she decided to get a few chapters of her book read, and then at twenty to nine, she glanced at her watch and got her make up bag out.

Throughout the journey I’d noticed how some people watched her with looks of distaste, and incredulity and at first I had fleetingly wondered just who she was to be able to do all of this stuff on a moving bus.

But by the time I got off the bus she was made up, looking fresh as a daisy and practically skipping off the bus after her energy-packed breakfast on the go. While the rest of us were a little worn around the edges.

And I was green with envy.

Now…if only I could work out how to make the most of my time…how to be one of those minute milkers…I’d be the mutt’s nuts!

So let’s see then…what we’re talking about here is a leave of absence with no prior warning, one of some length (nearly two months). I’d like to say that I’ve been off learning new things, gathering new thoughts and collecting more paranoid insights, but actually I’ve just been busy with some mundane things in life and some not so mundane.

I could tell you about how I nearly caused a fall out of nuclear proportions with one of my bestest friends because of my need to have him pander to my childish insecurities and my inability to see myself as others see me.

I could tell you about Bonobo and our six-month anniversary and being welcomed open armed and with such love by his family.

I could tell you about the full on argument with Big Brother Junior, the screaming the shouting, the flinging of accusations and the hot, angry tears.

I could tell you about my new job and how I have finally settled in and shed my ‘new girl’ skin, and how my boss makes me laugh so much. How the company has just as much (if not more) red tape and politics that the last.

I can tell you about another dear friend who felt as though her world was falling apart but who somehow found that bit of strength she needed to start piecing it back together bit by bit. And about how proud I am of her for not giving in easily, for fighting it all tooth and nail.

I could tell you how the blackness which used to threaten to smother me sometimes still creeps in through the teeniest portals, preventing me from defeating my self-created notions of what a terrible person I am. What a bitch and a fraud I am.

And I could tell you about I’ve been the most happiest I can remember being for a long time.

But even with all those goings on, I just haven’t felt much like writing *GASP* and besides I’ve pretty much just told you it all in a nutshell!

I’m back now and hopefully I’ll be writing a little more regularly (if we ever manage to get with technology and sort out some broadband for our gaff).

In the meantime, thank you to all you lovely regulars (you know who you are) who’ve been popping by to check up on me, despite my rude silence. You guys….you’re way too cool for school!