Not six months ago my life was very different. Tired of everything I really was pretty convinced that I had hit rock bottom and that I was in danger of slipping back to my dark and depressed ways again. I couldn't see the tunnel let alone the light at the end of it.

I've never really had a very good opinion of myself, and while I know that I'm loyal and loving and that I'll do anything for the people I love, for some reason I've always found it hard to believe that I'm a good person. And to be honest, when things in your life seem to continue to get worse and you're waiting around for good things to happen, it becomes easier and easier not to believe that you're a good person...and so the vicious circle begins.

It's true I suffer from depression (though those fits of melancholy seem to be lessening these days) and my self esteem is shot (though I'm great at over compensating), and while I believe that these things always stay with you in some very small capacity and never really get fixed or magically disappear, I do believe that with time and blood, sweat and tears, you can learn to control it.

When I started this blog I never thought that nearly two years down the line I'd be sitting at my laptop on the eve of my first day at a new job (that I've been lusting after for ages), in a beautiful new flat which I share with two beautiful people, having bagged myself an amazing boyfriend (whom I met through blogging).

Dare I say it...I'm happy. And after all these years I'm actually beginning to believe those friends of mine who've told me that I deserve it. And I'm actually beginning to believe the good things that they've said about me.

And I know that this sort of thing is transient. That you never know how long it's going to last. But I've decided that I'm going to enjoy it while I can and I'm not going to question it. And if I find myself going through a bad patch like the one last year, then I know I can believe that there will be more good times ahead.

That sure sounds like hope to me. Optimism even?

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