Don't ask me why cos I don't have any answers...the thing is, I seem to have this penchant for collecting ex-boyfriends. I haven't yet figured out if this is a trait common to most women or if I'm alone, but whenever I am dumped I get this relentless urge to stay in touch with the man who has ripped my still beating heart out of its cavity and jumped up and down on it. Is it tomfoolery? Is it a desperate attempt to hang on by a thread in the hope that they might take me back? Or is it clever survival tactics - a bid to reach closure that little bit more quickly? Mostly I think that it's a shame to sever all ties with someone who you've essentially shared every soupcon of your life with, someone who you care about and who hopefully cares for you. I've always thought of boyfriends as friends with benefits, and I believe that to lose a friend is just careless. Then again, many is the time when I've envied those people who can just cut someone or thing (that causes them untold amounts of grief) out of their life, turning their backs on the pain and never once turning even the sneakiest backward glance. Is it better to be able to cut off, walk away, cauterize the pain in an instant? Or am I better off the way I am, immersing myself in the agonizing memories like dipping myself in a vat of acid, habitualising myself to the pain so that I can one day face myself and every one else without smarting? I'm not sure I'll ever be any the wiser, and okay some may think I'm stupid to stay in touch with ex-bastards, and so-called friends who crossed the line but on the whole I'm pretty glad that I did, because the worst thing to happen was someone cutting me off completely, and the best was to gain some steadfast mates.

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