*with apologies to HOLT for blatant phrase theft*

Ask any girl and the likelihood is that she’s not happy with some aspect about her breasts. Too big, too small, too droopy, too pert, big nipples, small nipples, inverted nipples, blah blah blah.

One day, post pubescence I looked at my Ma and wailed,
“How come you've got big boobs Ma, how come mine are small? When will my boobs grow.”
Ma just dismissed the conversation, told me not to worry about it, and that they would grow in their own time.

To be honest it’s not something that has plagued me throughout my adult life, and it certainly wasn’t so terrible that I would consider cosmetic surgery. In fact by the age of 21 I had come to terms with the size of my boobs, but every now and then I would look down at my 34A kittens and heave a sigh...they surely would be a lot better as 34C fun bags.

When I was about 24 an older cousin of mine told me how she had experienced a mysterious growth spurt when she was 26. As did most of her friends. Almost over night she had become the proud owner of a fuel injected cleavage. I went home that day secretly hoping that I too would go through the same mysterious growth spurt.

And whaddya know? Aged 26, it only bloody happened.
Just like that.
Abracadabra.
Shazam!

After that I never really minded when my more ample bosomed friends took the piss out of my ‘hamster hammocks’ drying on the radiators next to their over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders. Water off a duck’s back. For I had boobs that weren’t pre-pubescent and I could get a cleavage if I tried hard enough (!).

And then a funny thing happened the other month. They grew again.

My female friends noticed (besides, we girls talk about everything). But more surprisingly, my male friends noticed.

Bloody Norah.

Last week when I turned up at a bar to meet my Unlucky friend, I was surprised at his greeting

“They’ve grown again," he said to me.

"Huh?" I replied, hastily trying to chug down some cheeky red.

He gestured towards my rack with a nodding motion.

“Them. They’ve grown again.”

Well Bloody Nora.
Isn't that just something?

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