I am driven to distraction right now. It’s way too difficult to concentrate, and even trying to get my motor neurones into any semblance of action is an exercise in futility. ‘Uh hellloooo, PPQ’s brain, any chance you could, say, I dunno, start working?’ Nothing. No reaction, not even a glimmer, a twitch or any sign of vital functions, and trying to kick-start my brain only results in that dull, whinnying, clicking noise. You know, the desperate turning over of the doomed engine in a banged up car on its very last legs?

Whenever I try to concentrate I find myself gazing off into the middle distance, body all breathey and eyes all dewy. I snap myself back to cold reality only to find myself wandering off again when I think or hear of something that I’m sure you’d find funny/enraging/incredible, when I imagine your reaction, your words, the look on your face.

So these are my days just now; me wading through these hazy, cloud-shaped thoughts of you, just trying to make it from one day to the next without anyone noticing my inability to do the simplest task. Without anyone seeing my utter incompetence, my inept efforts at just being.

I make it through the day, I'm not sure how, and at night I curl up into my marshmallow duvet. Cocooned in its downy snug, I can feel the weight of your body on the mattress next to me, the warmth emanating from your skin making mine all prickly with the tiniest, most minute explosions. I imagine you curling around my body, wrapping your arms around me, us lying all spoons, your warm breath on the nape of my neck as you exhale a happy sigh.

In some alternate life I really live all of that. But this is verging on the ridiculous - I need a reality check, some cold hard truth. Sheesh, anyone would think that I was losing my grip...for chrissake, someone tell me if it’s even possible to have a crush on someone you barely know anyway?

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