So I was on the inetrnet using the MSN search engine (dunno why, cos I'm a google girl) and I decided to put B's name in and see what it came up with (does that make me a stalker?!).

It came up with loads of crap, but best of all, right at the bottom...

Click here to buy and sell "B***** S****" on ebay.co.uk

Wonder how much he's going for?!

(***Names have been changed to protect the identities of the individual)

And my, a little dutch courage goes a long way.

After our work pub quiz last night I got myself so mashed up, I sent the lovely B a text message saying I was drunk and lost and what was he up to? He called me straight back, just as inebriated as me and we decided to meet up for a few more sharpeners. In our drunken stupours we couldn’t think straight enough to think of a decent bar to go to at 11pm so we stumbled around the streets of Soho and found Attica. Okay so it’s a pretentious and thoroughly over-priced bar, but it beat all our other options. My alcohol addled mind had also handily forgotten that I didn’t have any money (payday in two days) and so I had to admit to B that I was brassick. He paid £20 each for us to get in and then bought all the drinks. Even tried to pay for a cab home for me at the end of the night but I took the night bus instead.

I was so damn drunk I can’t remember half of our conversations although I have full recollection of the frisson in the air and the weight of his hand on the small of my back. And I do remember the important bit – he and his girlfriend have split up. While I don’t like to take pleasure in other people’s hurt, and as awful as it sounds I must admit, I was a tad thrilled as this means he’s officially available.

But with the climax comes the utterly terrifying realisation that this is now a whole different ball game and I’m completely freaked out. Before it was a ‘safe’ crush. No chance of anything ever happening because he was seeing someone else. Now things are so different.

What do I do now? I am NOT a risk taker, so asking him out is just out of the question. And as for flirting I don’t know how to do that unless with the safety of my platonic friends. Do I bide my time while he heals himself and just hope that he doesn’t get back with the ex or worse still, meet someone else? I’ve been told that I should take a risk and ask him on a date, but is it so wrong to want things the old fashioned way? For me to want him to pursue me? Is it?

Copious amounts of red wine followed by vodka and staying out until 3am on a school nite and then dragging yourself into work the next morning is not a good idea.

But at the time it sure gives you dutch courage…

Dare I mention that love comes in all shapes and forms? I’m not trying to insult your collective intelligence here so let me try and explain further. The ancient Greeks had it figured out because they had a different word for different types of love (eros, agape etc). Let me try and illustrate my point… the love I feel for my mother is totally different to the love that I feel for my best friend which is different to that which I feel for my red, leather knee-high boots and even more so than that which I feel for the man in my life when I have one, or my child (which obviously I don’t have now, but hope to some day) or my favourite food, or my crazy kitsch flat etc.. You see? They’re all love, but they’re different kinds of love, even though I may feel them all with the same great force.

So what I guess I'm trying to say is that, while some of us singletons may feel lacking in the love department, it's not so tragic.

So thank God for the unconditional love of certain friends. I believe that certain people make an art form out of friendship. Completely able to love you unconditionally, these artists make it seem easy to be there for you no matter what, taking your calls in the wee hours of the morning, giving and receiving banter, knowing when to listen, when to offer advice, never judging and always supporting. They put a huge smile back on my face when they call me up for a lazy chat on an equally lazy Sunday, all the time reminding me gently that life ain’t so bad.

First and foremost, thanks Jonners for my belated Happy Valentine text message. You’re right, us singletons have to stick together.

I got two Valentine’s cards this year. Suspiciously hand delivered to work I think they are the work of well meaning colleagues/friends trying to cheer me up. Well, it may make me sound like an ingrate, but while I should accept these tokens in the spirit in which they were given, it actually makes me feel sad that I have to rely on friends to make me look loved and popular with the boys!

It’s really hard not to think about love and romance at this time of year without feeling bitter and twisted and without begrudging all happy couples in love everywhere. I mean, you finally get over the commercial debacle that is Christmas (fer chrissake, Christmas is in December so WHY do retailers feel the need to start Christmas in October) and BAM, Valentine’s is thrust upon us pretty damn soon after.

Let’s think about this shall we? Why do couples in love the world over need a special day on which they can be romantic and on which they can tell their loved ones just how much they love them? If you ask me, if you need a special day to do that then your relationship is in dire need of help. Why not tell them you love them and take them out for a romantic meal and buy them a love token on the 29th March or the 11th October? Why succumb to overpriced (and frankly ugly) teddy bears, cards that light up and restaurants who over charge you?

I think Valentine’s day should be reserved for those wanting to tell someone that they fancy them. Anonymous or no. So let’s cut out all the cheesy crap, the sympathy cards from friends the terrible teddies and let’s just get brave and have the guts to ask that special certain someone out on date.

Thinking about my entry from last night lead me to think about the luck gene. I once read an article about how scientists are now researching the possibility of the existence of not only a gene that switches on criminal tendencies, but also one that makes some people lucky. I remember being a bit if a sceptic and thinking it was all a bag of cobblers, but when I’m in one of these funks, it makes me wonder if such a thing does exist and if some people are just born lucky. Cos at times like this, it all makes sense and makes me realise that maybe my luck gene wasn’t switched on.

So here’s what I mean about John Hughes having a lot to answer for. Take two of my favourite Hughes films and let me run you through a short synopsis of each…

Pretty in Pink sees rich boy fancying the poor girl. Poor girl fancies rich boy back, they try going out with each other but it all goes horribly wrong because their respective friends and family don’t like each other going out and although poor girl is willing to give it a shot, rich boy realises he has a lot to lose and ditches her, even though he loves her. Poor girl doesn’t understand, but decides to go the Prom on her own anyway to show that rich bastards that they haven’t got her down, and EVEN though her dress is HIDEOUS she bumps into rich boy and he realises that he doesn’t give a shit about what the others say cos he loves poor girl. They kiss and live happily ever after.

In Some Kind of Wonderful, tomboy is best friends with poor boy who is in turn in love with rich girl. But she’s not really a rich girl she just runs with the rich gang. Poor boy spends all his hard earned college money to buy pseudo rich girl diamond ear rings and a date she’ll never forget, with tomboy best friend helping him all along. But tomboy best friend is in love with poor boy and he hasn’t realised. Pseudo rich girl and poor boy go on date, unravel a plot where pseudo rich girl’s ex-boyfriend plans to beat ten shades of shit out of poor boy. Pseudo rich girl and best friend tomboy clash. And then right at the end pseudo rich girl tells poor boy that he shouldn’t be with her. He then realises that he’s in love with best friend tomboy and goes running after her with the diamond ear rings and they kiss and live happily ever after.

So what do we learn here? All you need is love? Money can’t buy me love? Some other title to a Beatle’s song? Good things come to those who wait? Everyone has someone out there for them?

Awww, come on. As I hurtle towards thirty I find myself asking more and more, does this shit really even happen anyway?