I’ve never been into football. Given the choice I would happily sit in the pub with a pint and watch the rugby, but I just never found footy very interesting. With all the footy mania going on right now, I got to thinking about this and I think there are several reasons.

1. It’s all very theatrical, the way the players ham up a bad tackle throwing themselves in to a heap on the floor, clutching their ankle/knee and feigning tears. Yet as soon as a physio turns up with a wet sponge they’re jumping back on their feet and running around with the rest of the team. Rugger buggers take all sorts of beatings, stampings, yet they just brush the dirt off their knees and get back in the game without tears

2. It makes men turn into thugs. You don’t get organised rugby fan thuggery, why then do you get BNP style, skinhead violence with footy?

3. Footy is so seedy. There’s always some sort of scandal with prostitutes, adultery, alleged rapes. Ergo in terms of potential boyfriends, I’d rather find myself going out with a rugby player than a footballer

Regardless of all this, I find myself getting quite interested by all the Euro 2004 fever that’s pulsing all over the place. There’s a big chart on our kitchen wall which should tell me who’s still in the game, there are flags flying out of cabbie windows and on proud patriotic houses, and I have even entered the sweepstake at work. Okay, admittedly I got Greece and I’m not too confident that I’m in with a chance, but I do know that they won their first game against Portugal. I even watched that match yesterday which is a first.

Now I find myself getting a little excited about England v France...so…there may just be hope for me yet.

Now, if someone could just explain the off side rule just one last time…

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